does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
