woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
