Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.