wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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