Already got asked if we're dating
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea