Where are you?
In a non slutty way
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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