omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
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Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He passed out mid-signature
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.