I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
