If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
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I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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