a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
