chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
