He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
