:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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