Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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