Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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