also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
this will be a night to untag.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
