Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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