please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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