If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
