The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
