I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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