He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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