I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
