it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
