ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I need to calm my uterus...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
