I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
