I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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