He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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