Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
