she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
