Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
