He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
