Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
