So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
