He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
