Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
