can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
