brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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