He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I understand Curling. That high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
