Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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