im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
