Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
