i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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