i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
