so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
