i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
