I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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