Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
