i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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