...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
