are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
