I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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