im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
