im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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