I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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