I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
