Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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