I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
