Screwed.edu
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
