I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
