return my video game
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
