Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
