So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
