Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
