Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
