weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I miss vodka workout Fridays
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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