I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
